Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Why Am I Not More Excited About This?

I really can't shake the feeling that I'm not at all excited about the prospect of being a full time student again.  Yuck.  I should be more pumped than this, and I just am not.  I can't quite put my finger on it.

One obvious factor is that when I finish law school, I have pretty much accepted the fact that there will not be a job waiting for me.  At least with my MBA, I held out the delusional idea that upon graduation I would get a bigger paycheck.

Now, that doesn't matter so much, personally.  In the best of all possible worlds, I'd hang out my shingle and start a practice. 

However, graduation is a LOOONG ways away.  Unlike a Freshman entering college, I have no delusion that this will be fun, or the best years of my life, or any similar nonsense.

I'm anticipating 3 years of a major grind.  I also have some fears that although I know I can start this journey, if my business craps the bed, I may not be able to finish it

On the other hand, if my business craps the bed, I need to do this all the more.

The other thing, and I know how shitty this sounds, is that I'm not that pumped about the school.  God bless them for accepting my slacker ass.  I gave them a shitty GPA and an underwhelming LSAT and they admitted me to a fully accredited law school that will give me a chance to sit for the bar. 

Frankly, this is the school I should be in.  Also, for my goal of establishing my own practice, this school is pretty much as good as any other.

As for geographical proximity, this is the best school for me to choose.

I know it makes me sound like an unredeemable dick, but after having gone to grad school at a place that was much farther up the food chain, going to a lesser institution just feels like I'm stepping down in the world.

The one bright spot about all this is that not only was my GPA pretty bad, but I really blew it on the LSAT.  Yet, my LSAT score is one of the better ones in the entering class. So, this means that on measures of pure intellect, I should be well-poised to be towards the top of the class.

If I can just get my slacker ass to crack a book, I should be able to do well in class rank.

Contrast to, say, Michigan where I'd probably be one of the dumb ones and be looking to try and graduate "thank you lawdy".  (Of course, yes, I know, Michigan wouldn't accept me, anyway, specifically because I'd be one of the dumb ones.)

Maybe some of this is just anxiety, too.  Who knows.

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